There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
