he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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