I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
