If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
