I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
