No awkward lesbian experiences without me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
