your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
