Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
