I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
