sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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