pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
