I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
