hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
