Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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