went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
