Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
