my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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