you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
