We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
