wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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