am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
