Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
