Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
