I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
