if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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