Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
