dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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