Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
