someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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