I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
