No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
