Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
