The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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