WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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