He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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