In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
