i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
