Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
