Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
