My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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