The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
