last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
