Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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