i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
