just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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