i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
