shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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