it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
