i think i have two assholes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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