dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
