Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
