Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
