Dual....:-)
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
