from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You can't just leave with hair like that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
