Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
