So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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